Oswald from Cleveland

“Miss Pond, there are signs everywhere stating clearly that the set is closed for construction.”

“Signs are unnecessary. I could tell from all the dust.”

“The signs also say KEEP OUT.”

“Oh, do they? I must have missed that as I was dodging debris and blazing a trail through overturned furniture.”

“You shouldn’t be here at all.”

“We will not trouble you for long. I only wish you to meet Oswald, who is newly arrived from Cleveland, Ohio.”

“Oh. Hello, Oswald.”

“Hello, Oswald,” says Oswald.

I am not quite sure what to say.

“Hey! Joking! Parrot humor! How do you do?”

“Ha. Okay. Very well, thanks. I hope your flight from Cleveland was pleasant.”

“Boy, are my wings tired,” says Oswald.

I laugh merrily.

“Why is that funny?” says Oswald.

“Oh,” I say. “Your wings really are…um…”

Oswald fixes me with one eye and whispers to Miss Pond.

“Are you sure he’s, you know, stable?”

“Not at all,” whispers Miss Pond.

“May I ask why you’re here? Although I suspect that I already now.”

“Oswald has come to join our cast.”

“Miss Pond, you really need to stop doing this.”

“You have not one tropical bird in your company. Not one.”

“Cleveland is not in the tropics.”

“Global warming,” says Oswald.

“Exactly,” says Miss Pond. “Now, as clearly you have your work cut out for you cleaning this mess, we shall depart. You may deliver Oswald’s contract to my care via messenger. Oswald, come along.”

“Goodbye,” says Oswald tartly.

“Goodbye,” I say, just as tartly.

“Was that meant to be a parrot joke,” says Oswald. “If so, it’s in very poor taste.”

“Come along, Oswald,” says Miss Pond.

“Good day,” says Oswald firmly.

I say nothing.