Junior’s…Audition?

“I’m sorry, little boy, the auditions for theatre society production of The Rose and the Ring are across at Number 38. Ask for Mrs Kumar.”

“Been there. She sent me over ’ere.”

“Why?”

“She says you deserve me.”

“Oh, dear.”

“So wot part do I get?”

“I’m not certain we have anything suitable, especially for a small boy.”

“I ain’t small. I’m tall as them wot owns the ’ouse, says Mrs Kumar. A fox and dog, right?”

“That is correct.”

“Mrs Kumar says she don’t ’old with these modern foxes and dogs movin’ into the Crescent. Says it makes a body right jumpy.”

“Mrs Kumar is very talkative today.”

“So wot part do I get?”

“You look like…erm…a strong fellow.”

“I am.”

“Perhaps we could employ you as errand boy. You could bring parcels from the shops, and carry messages, and help Enid in shifting heavy things in the house. How does that sound?”

“Like a trip to the bleedin’ circus.”

“We would have to ask that you modify your profanity.”

“You ’ave to talk to me mum about that. She makes all me clothes.”

“I mean you would have to stop swearing. At least on camera.”

“Wot if I drop a heavy thing on me foot?”

“Even then. This is a quality household. Are you up for it?”

“Until somefink better rolls along, yeh.”

“The passionate loyalty of the young is so touching.”

“Wot?”

“Go to the kitchen and Enid will give you something heavy to lift. Perhaps one of her soufflés.”

“Alrighty then. Toodles, boss.”

(Are we on some kind of “Juveniles Wanted” list in Stage and Screen, or something?)