Miss Pond Arrives

“I’m afraid we’ve finished casting the major roles at this point.”

“But have you a duck? I believe the answer is no.”

“Well, no.”

“In fact, have you any birds in your cast aside from that token owl?”

“Now that you mention it–”

“No, you have not. You have canids and felines and rodents, but only one bird. One!”

“True.”

“And that one is not a duck. Did you seriously expect to undertake a work of pseudo-Edwardian, Anglo-tinted whimsy without a duck?”

“I didn’t really think–”

“Clearly.”

“I mean to say–”

“Consider Lewis Carroll. Ducks, yes? Yes. And where would Beatrix Potter have been without ducks?”

“Listen–”

“Nowhere. Exactly nowhere. If one removes the ducks, the larger Beatrix Potter multiverse falls to pieces. And you presume to go where Potter feared to tread? I pity you.”

“I suppose I could offer you a recurring role as…um…the company bookkeeper?”

“I think you better had, sir.”

“Well, okay. If you head down to the kitchen, Enid will give you a cup of tea and we can fill in the paperwork.”

“That suits me.”

“Good. We can also validate your parking.”

“No need. I have tethered my scooter securely to the area railings.”

“Well, then. Welcome to the team, Miss…um…Missis…”

“Miss. Miss Pond. Miss Josephine Pond.”

“A pleasure to have you with us, Miss Pond.”

“And there will be no little jokes about the name, please. You were thinking of making a little joke, were you not?”

“…I was.”

“Then you will kindly restrain yourself.”